things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
