He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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