Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
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