She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
