I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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