I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
