I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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