look no pants
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
