He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
