i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
