new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
