my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
