You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
