Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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