benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You may now shotgun with the bride
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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