Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm really busy with my period
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