my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
