We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
