Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
