I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
