This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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