That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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