UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
