matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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