you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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