Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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