Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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