guys are only as good as the porn they watch
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
