I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
