So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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