sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
