the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Randomize
