Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
