you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
