he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
