Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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