How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
