bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
