we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
