dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
the condom got lost in my hair
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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