i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
