Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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