dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
