Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
