redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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