Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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