you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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