Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
