The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
