i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
