christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
