I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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