I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
