so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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