I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
