There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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