Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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