I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
