And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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