That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize