Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
