another moral hangover. fuck.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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