it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
