Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
