Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
