yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
