I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
