My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
