i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
