I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
