how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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